This week's lesson was much longer than last week's, so I'm only going to share my answers to a few of the questions. In some cases, I may repeat things that I relayed in My Story in my first post. I pray that you can bear with me and that the relaying of my experience will be a comfort to others who are suffering because of their own losses.
The first question was: Where do I go to find out the truth?
I was really just kind of numb for several weeks after the miscarriage and didn’t want to talk about it much. We did tell our Pastor, and he asked to meet with us about a month after it happened. He wanted to see how we were handling it. His concern was that a lot of people didn’t know about it and that we were dealing with it alone. The first thing our Pastor asked was how we were doing. My husband just started talking, rambling really. I don’t really recall what he said, but I think he got off topic. Finally, our Pastor turned to me and asked me the same question again. I said that I was upset, but not as upset as I would be if something had happened to one of our boys. He then asked how the two of us were doing together. Eric spoke right up and said things could be better.
To be honest, I was really angry with Eric during this time period. About 2 weeks after we lost our baby, Eric’s brother told him that he and his wife were expecting. Eric didn’t relay this to me in the most sensitive of ways, and I was ticked with him. He also couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy for his brother and sister-in-law. So he was right when he said that things could be better.
I think our Pastor asked if we wanted to have some kind of memorial for the baby, but we declined. Part of me felt it was silly because I had only been 8 weeks pregnant, and part of me didn’t want to go through some sad memorial and display my emotions publicly.
Can I ever understand why? Here I was supposed to list questions I have regarding my miscarriage:
Why did God wait until I was 43 to let me become pregnant again?
Several years ago, why did my oldest son tell me that Jesus told him that I would have another baby?
If I wanted a third child so badly, why did I cry when I found out that I was pregnant (and they weren’t happy tears)?
Why didn’t I have more faith in God about the health and well being of this pregnancy and child?
How can God help me deal with losing my baby? There were three Bible verses that I was asked to look up and then I was to list at least one way God will help me based on each of these verses.
Jn. 14:15-18 He gives us the Holy Spirit.
2 Cor. 1:3-4 He will comfort me in all of my troubles.
Rev. 21:4 He will wipe away my tears. I will not mourn or cry anymore.
How did you experience God's comfort at the time of your loss? How would you like to be comforted now?
I experienced God’s comfort through the ladies I work with. I know they were all praying for me and my family. I received emails, card and hugs of love from them throughout the entire school year. My one co-worker brought over chocolate chip cookies on the baby’s due date. One couple we know sent us flowers when I miscarried. I really didn’t find my husband comforting until we approached the due date. He knew I wanted to do something as a tribute to the baby. Together we came up with the idea of getting a heart shaped emerald ring. The baby’s due date was May 2 and emerald is the birthstone for May. One change I did notice in my husband after our loss is that he has opened up more spiritually.
I don’t know how I want to be comforted now. I feel I want to reach out and comfort other moms who are suffering due to the loss of a child. I think that will give me comfort. Going through this study will allow me to comfort other moms in the future.
This week's lesson ended with these two Bible verses to give each of us hope:
Romans 5:3-5 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
Moms, and yes you are a mom even if all of your children are in Heaven, I pray that God's Word will comfort you. I pray that He will use me to guide you to Bible passages that will bring you some understanding of what you've been through and that will bring you some peace. I pray that you will feel His presence in your life and His loving arms around you, cradling you just as you would cradle your own child.