Butterfly Mommies April Giveaway

I know...I haven't been around for quite a while. Lots going on lately and if you visit my other blog, you'll read about what I've been up to. (Mainly illnesses!) I'm just starting to get back to the blogosphere with my own posts and reading others' blogs.

I just saw the April giveaway over at Butterfly Mommies. Kristie V. I am still alive! I thought I'd enter even though I haven't posted anything lately. I do have some things that have occurred recently that I'd like to write about.

Butterfly Mommies is asking, "What forms of support helped you the most during your time of loss and even now? How would you recommend other people support grieving mothers?" My answer is simple. Acknowledge the loss. Even if it was a first trimester miscarriage as mine was. The pain is still as real for the parents even if they never got to see their baby. I don't even know if our baby was a boy or a girl. It still hurts. I found myself battling tears just this week, and it has been a year and a half since our loss.

One of our friends sent us flowers when I miscarried. My coworker and good friend brought me homemade chocolate chip cookies on my due date. Just acknowledge the life that was lost. And if the parents mention the baby in conversation years down the road, don't brush the topic under the rug. That is their child even if the pregnancy lasted only a few weeks. He or she just lives in Heaven now rather than here on earth.

Well, that's my answer. I look forward to visiting your blogs to see how you all answered this question. Blessings!

Compassion International

Many of you know that we sponsor a boy in Brazil through Compassion International. I recently signed up for Compassion's What I want for Christmas program. I am committed to finding a sponsor for one child by December 31.The little boy's name is Andres Fuentes Nunez. He is 7 years old and lives in Peru. Andres lives with his mother and 2 siblings. His mother is only employed some of the time.

Sponsoring a child means a financial commitment of $38 per month, plus you get the pleasure of exchanging letters with them. (I just received a letter from our child today!) If you would like more info about Compassion International, please go to http://www.compassion.com/. My boss recently attended an event where the president of Compassion spoke, and she was lucky enough to go on a tour of their Colorado offices. She was very impressed!

I know we are all facing financial hardships right now, but I still wanted to pass along this information in case any of you would be interested in sponsoring Andres or if you might know of someone else who would be interested. Please keep Andres in your prayers and pray that I can find a sponsor for him. If anyone out there is interested, I can mail you the info you need in order to begin your sponsorship. Thank you!

Unforgotton Children

I still have two copies of Kristie's book, Unforgotten Children, available to give away. Please leave a comment with your email address if you would like one.

Blessings!

What Makes a Mother

Baby Names

While we were in the Outer Banks over Thanksgiving, I had the chance to walk the beach alone and spend some time in prayer. I was specifically talking to God about our baby. I asked Him to take care of our little one and to guide me in helping others who have experienced this kind of loss.

Along the way, I picked up a stick and wrote the names Claren and Nolan in the sand. Since I miscarried at 8 weeks, I don't know if our baby was a boy or a girl. Claren is the name we picked out for a little girl the first time I was pregnant. The name is in memory of Eric's favorite grandfather, Clarence. Since we have two sons, we never got to use this name. When we told our sons that I was pregnant, we asked them to come up with a boy's name because we didn't have any in mind. They came up with Nolan. Eric and I really liked it.

I think our sons wanted a little brother, but I just have the feeling our baby was a girl. I always thought we'd have two sons close in age and then a daughter a few years down the road. Our boys are 2 1/2 years apart. They would have been 14 and 11 1/2 when the baby was born. (That's a little more "down the road" than I expected!) When I imagine what our life would have been like right now, I see a baby girl with her big brothers doting on her. I see pink clothing and little hair bows (even though I can't do hair!). I hear her "oohing and ahhhing" over the Christmas tree lights. This would have been her first Christmas, and I can feel the excitement of celebrating the season with a new babe in the house.

I know God has his reasons for keeping our child with Him and that he or she is so blessed to be in His presence right now. But I still long for what might have been.

Book Review: Unforgotten Children

Kristie Verret is the author of the new book Unforgotten Children: A Testimony of God's Healing Through Miscarriage.

I have only met Kristie online. In April of this year, I read an article that she had written on Christian Women Online. To my surprise, she replied back to me. Then I think I checked out her blog, she read mine, and we began corresponding via email. Kristie invited me to do a pregnancy loss Bible study with her online. I accepted. (Although, I still have 2 more chapters to do!)

She had told me that she was writing a book about the loss of her two daughters, Elizabeth and Sammi. Although the official release date of Unforgotten Children was December 1, I was able to order a copy early. It is a quick and easy read (not emotionally easy), and I think it will speak to every mom who has lost a child due to miscarriage, still birth, or early infant loss.

Kristie is quite candid about her thoughts and feelings regarding the loss of her two daughters...two beautiful babies born to Heaven. I miscarried last year during the 8th week of my pregnancy. Even though my circumstances were different than Kristie's, I could relate to everything she felt and went through during her own tragedies. In fact, I marked 25 pages in the book where Kristie wrote something that really spoke to me. Some of these pages are marked in more than one place!

Kristie speaks out about how she felt that people belittled her grief because a "miscarriage isn't as bad as losing a real person". She expresses being frustrated with her husband because he didn't seem to understand her feelings. Then there is the questioning of God; "What was the point of that?" Also, there was the feeling of being punished; the anguish of seeing a baby that was the same age as her daughter should have been; trying hard not to cry and actually dreading the tears that she wanted to shed. All of these things are feelings and emotions that pierced my own heart during my grieving process. Naturally, some of these things still haunt me a year later.

If you are a grieving mother, I highly recommend reading Kristie's story. She is doing what I hope to do...using her losses to help other hurting parents. In fact, because I love this book and have been blessed by Kristie's own generosity, I would like to make my readers an offer. If you would like a copy of Unforgotten Children, please let me know via my comments section. I will purchase one copy each for the first 5 people who make a request to me for the book. Don't forget to leave me your email address so that I can contact you in order to get your mailing address. This offer is open until I receive requests from 5 different people.

If you would just like me to pray for you, I will do that, too. Sadly, we are all a part of a club that we never wanted to be in. May God bless and comfort each of us by bringing us together to help one another.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

Moms, please allow God to allow Kristie to help you make your way through the desert and to be your stream in the wasteland. He is definitely at work through her!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. For those of us who have lost a precious little one, today is a day to remember them. Although, we remember them every day. Not one day goes by that I don't think about the 5 month old baby we should have in our home right now. The baby I should have in my arms.

I think about how our boys (and the dog!) would be interacting with their little brother or sister. I think about how I would be a stay-at-home mommy again. Oh, and all the baby stuff that would be around the house! I think about having a third chance to get this parenting thing down right...all the things I would have done differently with this child. As we're parenting teenagers right now, I think of what it would have been like to have an 18-year-old in the house when we're 62!

For the past week, I have been wearing my ribbon pin that commemorates today. Not one person has asked me what this particular ribbon stands for. I'm rather surprised. I am thankful for the article Chatty Kelly wrote about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. You can read it here.

Tonight, families around the world will be lighting a candle for the baby (in many cases, babies) they have lost. It breaks my heart to have to be one of these families.

Please visit the the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day website to learn more about this day and other support they have to offer.